Nighttime Bliss

Nighttime bliss. Aloof in my thoughts just wondering and thinking about anything and everything that comes to mind. There, in the dark is where I feel the most mundane, connected to the Earth and to myself. I rule the world, not in dream, but during the moments before I fall asleep; and everything is okay in that moment.

Where does the connection go when the sunlight breaks in through my window? Reality comes crashing in every day. I wake up with a knot in my stomach every morning, a sick feeling is not a proper wakeup call, but it sure does waken me. My brain starts rushing and my body shuts down to a point where all I want to do is lay there and make my own rules and own dirt path. No motivation, no desire and it’s weird because I’ve not given up, I’m just lost. It’s been a hard pill to swallow, but I take it every day, like clockwork. 

Nighttime bliss… moon I yearn for you. Perhaps it’s the idea of a new day to come, but once again I ask what happens between nightfall and day break? Where do I go? Where am I? It’s all just an everlasting ride that I’m so desperate to get off of, but there’s not stop in sight. 

PERFECT CHEMISTRY

Thank you for making me feel safe; special, someone that mattered to someone for once. I’ve been running around with my head cut off, or so it seems. I’m so blessed to have found you… where did you come from? How did you sneak into my soul and manage to captivate my very existence. You’re infatuating, and you know it. You know you make me go insane, make my mind twirl out of proportion until I’m not thinking straight. Why? Why you?… I didn’t ask for this. Meeting you was unexpected but I wouldn’t change it for the anything in the world just because you make me smile and with you, happiness is truly something that I have re-discovered and come to cherish and appreciate. It fills my heart to know that I love you and you love me back. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t think anyone was capable of doing so. Thank you for being you and letting me be me because together we have the perfect chemistry.

INDIFFERENT

I’ve been feeling broken, a little bit of a mess.

All those words you’ve spoken

Are like bullets through my head.

You see,

I lost myself around you,

Couldn’t find my own way out.

I scrambled for the surface,

But you only pushed me down.

You broke me just to mold me

Your little porcelain doll.

I suffocated under,

I lost my ray of light,

Beaten up and broken

I found the strength to fight.

I broke away,

I fought for me.

I said goodbye to you,

I left my family.

But everything I left behind,

I’ve found along the way

In new ways unimagined,

I’ve seen the light of day.

The shadows are still daunting,

They prey on me when weak.

But the pain that you have caused me

Ignites a flame in me.

I lost myself around you,

I found my own way out,

I scrambled to the surface,

And I didn’t push you down.

Just next time that you think of me,

And wonder what went wrong, remember that

I am.

You are.

We are different.

I cried.

I hurt.

You were

Indifferent.

HORIZON

You.

Hard to read, hard to keep up with.

Something to prepare for.

And I am not prepared.

You whisked me off my feet, never ending heights you made me reach.

Bittersweet.

A bliss that makes it hard to breathe.

Should I retreat?

‘Sun will rise,

 sun will set.’

I tell myself.

Bright and blue,

Shining through.

But cloudy skies paint the picture too.